"Were you trying to get pregnant again?" The words above were the first words I spoke after a friend revealed to me that she was pregnant with her third child. I should have mustered up the enthusiasm to simply congratulate the poor gal, but that was just not happening at that particular moment.
Bringing a child into the world is something so big and life-altering. To be quite frank, it is my opinion that any time a woman gets physical, she should keep the possibility of pregnancy (and disease) in mind and take the appropriate precautions if she does not want to have a child. I learned that lesson firsthand, when my beautiful daughter was conceived after one night of craziness with Handsome Husband.
There are women that are not cut out to be mothers. Let's admit it - some women just do not have a maternal side. That's not a bad thing. A lot of women do not want to have children. There are also women that already have their hands full and their pocketbooks empty and just cannot support themselves, let alone a child. My friend falls into this last category, and possibly the first.
She wants me to help name her baby (it's a girl), and to provide advice and reassurance for her pregnancy. Really, I am not so sure I feel comfortable talking with her about the newest addition to her family. My stomach has been in knots ever since she took me aside yesterday and revealed that she has been hiding her 17-week pregnancy.
I am trying to look at this in a positive way, but I just cannot seem to find the silver lining here. I felt the same way about myself when I got pregnant (although to a lesser extent), so yes, my judgmental tendency here goes both ways.
How do you suck it up and find a way to make this moment with a friend special, rather than stressful? Should I just fake a smile, or should I just stay away from her for now until I am able to have a real smile to share? And be real - do you think I'm a monster for feeling this way about someone so close to me? It's ok if you say yes :)
This baby is going to happen whether I approve of it or not, so I am quite aware that this has nothing whatsoever to do with me. I just simply have the desire to be a blessing for my friend, and I can't be that to her while I am stuck in this mental state.